Reminiscing
by NuGirl
Summary: Thoughts on what the future holds for Shannon and Lawson. Based on my hopes for the December 2nd episode.
1. Reminiscing

Lawson flopped onto the couch in his living room, sighing as he surveyed his handiwork. Glancing around he saw the rose petals scatted from the doorway all over the living room floor.

'That's going to be a pain to clean up,' Lawson thought to himself. 'But so worth it.'

Continuing around the room he made sure he had everything in place. Candle, unlit, had been placed around; some on the tables, others on the TV stand and even some on the floor. As his eyes flicked around the room to find where had placed the lighter, his focus was drawn to the mantle shelf. There sat two tea-light candle holders shaped as snowmen, Shannon had bought the twin snowmen their first Christmas together.

Leaning back into the couch he started to reminisce, thinking back over what had led them, especially him, to this point.

_Shannon still teased him today about the fact Lawson was a green-eyed monster. It had taken him to nearly losing her to a private security company for him to actually do something about it. He had spent so energy denying it. From the moment Shannon joined TR old feelings of attraction had re-awoken in him. He had firmly told himself, 'No you're her boss…it's unethical…You cannot go there.'_

_But at the end of the day, he couldn't fight it anymore. He had spent time monologuing internally that day when they were forced to with that Shmitt guy. _

_Part of him was saying, 'Let her go…she doesn't even know what you feel…she deserves better…she's obviously very attracted to Shmitt.' Beating himself up and putting himself down was one thing that Lawson was amazingly good at._

_Then everything would turn in his head…'No, remember that night at base after Kronin was caught in that shack…yes, you were slightly drunk…but there was something there…you can't deny it. You wanted her there and then.'_

_It took time, but it soon became clear in his head what he really wanted. Yet he still couldn't shake that unethical feeling. 'Well,' he had reasoned in her head, 'if she does leave TR, it's not all that bad. We wouldn't be working together…' But before long though doubts about Shannon working with that Shmitt guy crept into his mind….'Lawson,' he thought, 'snap out of it, you haven't even told her about your feelings.'_

Lawson began to chuckle as he thought back over that fateful day. God, his mind had been working overtime that day.

As she had walked back to him that momentous day in her investment property, he just knew he wanted her. TR uniforms….there is no romantic way to get them off…especially the way Lawson was ripping at hers. Nevertheless it was special. It was a memory that quite regularly replayed in his mind.

It hadn't always been smooth sailing either. Shannon had had a crisis soon after they embarked on their relationship. They hadn't gone public with it at the time and while it was exciting to have a huge secret, it had also put a huge amount of stress on Shannon. She knew the longer they took to tell everyone, the worst she was going to feel. She had been scared of how the others would look at her and treat them. She after all was technically sleeping with her boss, her superior. Car rides in TR1 were also becoming frosty.

Lawson thought back to the night when it had all come to a head. They had gone out for dinner that night and emotions were running high. It had been a very tense meal and Lawson couldn't work out what he had done.

Shannon had refused to invite him in for a drink when he dropped her home. Lawson, being the stubborn person he was, had followed her down the path and then jammed his foot in her doorway in an attempt to find out what was really bothering her.

_*Flashback*_

"_Shan…," Lawson called, peering around the door, trying to catch her eye. "We need to talk…"_

_Shannon sighed and slowly opened the door. She couldn't resist those dreamy brown eyes. Silently she made her way to the living room assuming Lawson was right behind her. She could feel his presence and it took all of her willpower not to turn around and throw herself at him._

_Sitting opposite each other, a coffee table separating them, both waited for the other to start. Moments ticked by….Nothing._

_Lawson took a deep breath. "Are you going to tell me what the problem is?"_

"_Are you asking as Senior Sergeant Blake? …Or as Lawson, my nosy supposed friend?" she snapped._

"_Neither," he replied. "I'm asking you as your boyfriend."_

_Shannon gave a weak smile upon hearing the statement. That was what she had wanted to hear. Lawson just had a way of making her feel at ease._

"_It's just…" Shannon began, her voice starting to quiver._

_Lawson made his way over and sat down next to her, taking her petit hand into his strong warm one. His other hand snaked its way around to her shoulder, rubbing circles around her shoulder blade._

"_It's just," Shannon began again, "everything…and nothing at all."_

_Lawson kept silent, knowing that it would just take Shannon a while to get everything off her chest._

"_It's the fact that you're my boss…We ride in the same car…And no one knows. Everything is going to change when team finds out! They are going to think I'm the team slut…first Josh and now you. People are going to think that I'm just sleeping with you to get ahead…It's not fair!" she blurted out, before dissolving into tears._

"_Shan…" Lawson gently whispered "What can I do?"_

"_Tell everyone at base….And get me out for TR1 if needed," she sobbed._

"_Why do you want out of TR1?"_

"_I can't handle it…I know everyone is going to gossip about us, about me. If I'm out of TR1 it's at least it's doing something to separate our private lives from our work lives," her tears slowly subsiding. _

"_So is that what you want? Is that where you want us to go? Forward?" Lawson tenderly probed._

_Shannon looked up at Lawson through teary ears with a surprised look on her face. "What do you mean Lawson?"_

"_I was trying to confirm whether I'm still in your life," Lawson confessed. "I thought that you were mad at me about something. Or that you wanted out."_

"_You silly bugger," Shannon chided gently, leaning up to place a kiss on his nose. "I'm just concerned about work."_

"_Don't you worry about that," Lawson commented. "We'll cross that bridge as we come to it," he finished as he pulled her into him and snuggled into the couch._

"_Communication," Shannon said, "something that we should always keep working on," she finished sleepily._

_Lawson smiled and nodded in agreement. Closing his eyes Lawson pulled Shannon closer and settled down for the night._

_*End Flashback*_

Lawson was always grateful for that conversation two years ago, for a negotiator he wasn't very good at words. He was hoping to be good at them tonight.

Smiling wryly he pulled out a little black box from his pocket, snapping it open to admire the jewel that sat in there. A simple white gold setting of a diamond in a four claw setting, with a diamond pave on the shoulder of the ring and two small diamonds set in rose gold set in either side. He was very proud of himself for picking it out all by himself.

He was pulled out of his little imagination land by the ringing of his phone.

"Lawson Blake," he greeted.

"Lawson…its Kerry," the worried voice of his boss came down the line.

Lawson's face fell. "Kerry! What's going on?"

"Lawson…its Shannon. There's been an accident. You need to meet me at hospital."

The ring box tumbled out of his hand and the ring bounced to a stop onto of a rose petal. There it laid unnoticed as Lawson rushed out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Lawson must have broken at least four different laws trying to get to the hospital as fast as he could. It was a miracle he didn't cause an accident. Kerry hadn't told him what had happened; just that Shannon was in hospital.

Running through the front foyer, Lawson found the nurses' station and tapped impatiently on the glass.

"I'm looking for…" Lawson started

The nurse looked up, on the phone, held up a finger to Lawson. He tapped his foot irritably, waiting for attention. After what felt like an eternity to him, the nurse turned to him.

"I'm looking for Shannon Henry," he told her.

"Are you family?" the nurse inquired.

"Not technically…"

"I'm sorry sir," the nurse cut him off, "if you're not family I can't divulge that information."

"I'm her partner," Lawson replied.

"I am sorry sir, but unless you are family I am unable to tell you anything."

"Look!" Lawson raised his voice, slamming his police ID up to the window. "I'm a police officer! Now are you going to tell me or not?"

"Lawson!" a voice called out.

Lawson flung around to find himself face to face with Josh.

"Mate," Josh said, "it's okay. I'll take you to her," he said sympathetically.

Lawson just allowed himself to be lead towards the lift.

"Sorry," Josh apologized to the nurse, looking over his shoulder. The nurse simply shot a sympathetic smile in their direction.

It was a tense ride up, Lawson had started tapping again, while Josh lent up against the back of the lift.

"What's happening Josh?" Lawson asked.

"I don't know mate."

"Josh," Lawson growled, "don't give me that crap. What happened to Shannon?"

"Kerry wants to tell you herself," he replied truthfully.

That wasn't what Lawson had wanted to hear.

Kerry met them at the lifts, at the entrance leading into the ward. Lawson's mind began to tick even more.

"Kerry! What's going on? I'm not being told anything," Lawson pressed.

"Lawson, calm down," Kerry responded. "Come and sit," she said, leading him to a chair, taking the next one for herself.

"I'm going to check on Muppet," Josh told him, giving Lawson's shoulder a comforting squeeze before nodding at Kerry and taking his leave.

"What's wrong with Michael, Kerry? Is he here too?" Lawson asked.

Kerry nodded. "They were in an accident. TR 1 was T-boned on the way back to base. Michael was driving, he and Christian have whiplash. Michael's a bit worse for wear. The guy who hit them ran a red light."

"And Shannon?" Lawson asked cautiously

"She was in the passenger's seat and copped most of the crash. Luckily the guy wasn't going too fast and clipped more of the back of the car. Shannon was alert and talking at the scene…"Kerry trailed off.

"I want to see her Kerry," Lawson demanded.

"She's been rushed off for an MRI, Lawson."

"She's what? ...Why?"

"I don't know Lawson. You're going to have to wait for the doctor."

"Have her parents been notified?"

"Not yet," replied Kerry, "you're down as her next of kin."

"I'll do it…"

"No Lawson, that's not your job."

"What do you mean it's not my job? And what was Shannon doing in with Michael and Christian?" Lawson asked, starting to get more agitated.

"Well you weren't working today, we had to shuffle the teams around," explained Kerry.

"It's my job to tell her parents…I'm her boss…" Lawson rambled, his voice starting to drop. "It should have been me."

"You can't blame yourself…It's not your fault…And you won't be telling her parents. It's my job," Kerry told him.

"Lawson Blake?" a doctor dressed in scrubs came towards him

Lawson stood and walked over. "That's me…How is Shannon? Where is she? Can I see her?" he asked in quick succession.

The doctor gave him a brief smile, "I'm Doctor Hammond, Shannon is doing fine at the moment. She's just being settled in her room. Yes, you can see her."

"And the MRI?" Lawson inquired.

"Just a precaution. Shannon briefly blacked out on the way to the hospital, so we'll be keeping her in for observation for a few nights. Nothing out of the ordinary showed up though" Doctor Hammond explained as he led Lawson and Kerry towards the room. "I'll be in a bit later to check up on her."

Kerry glanced in to the room and saw Shannon struggling to sit up. "I'll leave you to it, Lawson. I'll go see Michael and Christian and come back down in a few hours."

"Thanks Kerry," he replied. Taking a deep breath, he turned the doorknob and entered the room. What he saw broke his heart. His gorgeous girl was bruised across her face and down the right side of her arm. She had a deep cut on her temple and a drip coming out of her left arm. She was still struggling to sit herself up and tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Bub?" he called out softly.

Shannon looked over and tried to smile. Lawson rushed over and tenderly helped her up.

"Hey gorgeous girl…what do you think you were doing?" Lawson gently teased.

"Lawson…"she whispered hoarsely.

"Shhh…" he soothed and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"How's Michael…and Christian?" she managed to get out

"They're fine. Mild whiplash," replied Lawson. "How are you feeling?"

Shannon gave him a smile. "I've been better. I've got a bit of a headache."

"You need to rest…I can help you back down if you'd like," Lawson told her, smoothing down her hair and pulling at the bed sheets.

"Lawson, stop fussing. I'm okay. Come and sit here," she said patting the bed. "It's just a slight…."she trailed off, her eyes rolling back into the back of her head.

"Slight what?" Lawson asked looking over at her. "Shannon? Shan?"

Shannon began to shake uncontrollably. Lawson hit the nurse alert button as he attempted to move her onto her side.

"What happened?" the incoming nurse asked as she bustled in.

"She was complaining about a headache and then she started having a seizure," advised Lawson.

"Okay…we'll take over now. If you just want to wait outside please," the nurse ordered.

"But…" Lawson tried to interject as a younger nurse moved him out of the room and the door shut in his face. Before long Doctor Hammond had rushed in and then Shannon was being moved out of the ward.

"What's going on?" Lawson asked a passing nurse.

"The doctor is concerned about the headache and just doing another MRI, just in case Mr Blake. You are more than welcome to wait in her room if you'd like."

Lawson thanked her and wandered into the room. Sitting down he wandered back over the day…It certainly hadn't turned out the way he had expected.

"Knock, Knock," Stella called out from the doorway. "Where's Shannon?"

"Having another MRI," Lawson informed her. "She had a seizure…"

"She's going to be okay Lawson…She's a strong bugger."

"That should have been me, Stella."

"What do you mean?"

"It should have been me…She usually doesn't sit in the passenger's seat, it's mine…If I hadn't had a day off…"

"Lawson, you can't blame yourself. And you're not going to do yourself any good by beating yourself up," Stella told him.

"But…"

"No Lawson…you need to pull yourself together and be strong for her. It isn't about you," Stella sternly told him.

"Mr Blake?" the doctor appeared in the doorway. Lawson looked up, a concerned look on his face. "We've had to take Shannon to surgery."


	3. Chapter 3

Lawson stretched his stiff neck and back as he blinked several times as he tried to figure out where he was

"Hello there," a female voice greeted him.

Dazed Lawson looked over to see a nurse tending to Shannon. His eyes grew wide as he clamped eyes on the pale, lifeless figure that was his girlfriend.

"Mr Blake?"

"Please, Lawson is fine," he answered, his eyes never leaving Shannon's body.

"I'm Georgina, I'll be Shannon's nurse," she introduced herself. "I'll go and get the doctor, he can explain what's going on," she told him, her eyes following his gaze.

"Wait…how long have I been out?" he asked.

"About two and a half hours, or so…Shannon's been back down here for about half an hour," Georgina told him. "I'll be back in a tick."

After Georgina left, Lawson rose and wandered over to the bed where Shannon lay. There was a bandage covering the crown of her head. There was a tube down her throat, hooked up to a ventilator breathing for her. And there was another monitor hooked up with wires to her chest, beeping away rhythmically. Lawson sighed as he tenderly brushed a stray hair of her face.

"Lawson…" came Doctor Hammond's voice.

"Doctor Hammond…what happened? Why did she need surgery?" Lawson asked anxiously.

"Shannon has a cerebral contusion…put simply, her brain is bruised. From what we can see, she's only got slight bruising, it should heal by itself. There should be no long term effects," he explained.

"And the surgery?"

"There was some brain swelling, which was causing pressure to build in the brain. That's what caused the seizure."

"Will she continue having them?" Lawson asked.

"I'm optimistic that she won't have any more seizures. We took her up to surgery to perform a trepanation."

Seeing the confused look on Lawson's face he continued to explain. "We've put a burr hole in just below the crown of her head to relieve the pressure. She's in a medically induced coma. We're going to monitor her brain activity and when the pressure has gone down, we'll start to bring her out of it."

"And how long will that be?" Lawson asked.

"We don't know. It could be a few days or even a few weeks," Doctor Hammond replied.

Lawson slumped down into a chair, hands running through his hair.

"I'll be back down later if you have any questions or just ask Georgina," Doctor Hammond advised him.

Lawson nodded as he walked out of the room.

"You can talk to her. Research shows that even in a medically induced come, the brain still registers what is happening around them," Georgina told him before leaving.

Lawson gave her a weak smile, before dragging the chair over to Shannon's bedside. He took her hand and after rubbing his thumb over the back of it, he clasped it between both of his hands, bring it up to his lips. He just sat there for a while, he didn't know what to say…no, he knew what he wanted to say; only he could find the words.

"Shan…" he whispered. "I hope you can hear me. You can't leave me here…There's so many things that we still have to do together. I can't lose you Shannon…I love you so much…I'm going to make you my wife… There's still so much left for us Shan…"

"Lawson?"

Lawson jerked around upon hearing Josh's voice.

"C'mon mate, I'll take you home. You need some sleep," Josh advised his mate.

"No, I can't leave her," argued Lawson.

"You're not going to do anyone any favours by staying here. You need to get your arse home and get some sleep. Someone will ring you if something changes…now I'm going to drive you home," Josh sternly told him.

"Lawson paused a moment before replying, "Okay," he said defeatedly. "Do you mind sitting with her for a few moments? I just need to do something."

Josh nodded his head, still standing at the beds end.

Lawson placed a gentle kiss on Shannon's forehead, whispering "I'll be back soon Shan…Josh will be here the whole time."

Lawson nodded in Josh's direction as he left the room.

* * *

Lawson wandered the long corridors of the hospital in search of a quiet place. Finding the small chapel-like room, he slipped in taking a seat.

Yes, his parents were very religious, but Lawson never really had time for it. Morality and ethics were important to him, not so much God. All he wanted to do was sit in the quiet and just think.

Shannon meant the world to him and he wasn't ready to even contemplate what his life would be like if she wasn't in it. He struggled with blaming himself; that was his nature. If he had been at work, it would have been him in that passenger's seat. As much as he knew that playing the 'what if' game wasn't going to help, nor was it going to change what had already happened he couldn't help but continue running the scenarios through his head.

Slowly those thoughts managed to vanish as he started concentrating on the fact that he needed to be there for Shannon. This was why he came here…it was the place that he would just sit and relax, the problems of the world melting away. It was here that he could disconnect…there wasn't anyone else around to talk to, no one that he felt like he had to justify himself to…just the peace and quiet surrounding him.

* * *

Meanwhile Josh had moved from his spot to take up Lawson's vacated seat. His eyes wandering over Shannon's body, he couldn't believe that only earlier that day they were joking around without a care in the world. His hands rested on the edge of the bed, unsure what to do.

"Shannon….I know you can hear me" Josh said, figuring it had to help. "You need to get better….There's a whole heap of people depending on you…most of all Lawson. Shan…won't know what to do without you! You need to get well, you hear me? …You've changed Lawson, for the better…And I don't want to have to deal with his sorry arse if you don't get better!" he finished with a small smile.

* * *

It was a quiet ride home. Lawson just stared out the window. Josh had looked over at him a few times, unsure what to say. Silently he pulled up outside Lawson's house.

"Thanks mate," Lawson acknowledged him.

"Anything else you need?" inquired Josh.

Lawson shook his head as he climbed out of the car. Josh thought better and followed Lawson up the path, just to make sure.

Glancing into the living room Josh's mouth widened.

"Mate…what's going on?" he asked.

Lawson glanced back towards Josh and gave a sad smile towards the living room. "Planning on proposing to Shan tonight…guess that didn't happen, hey?"

Josh made a move to enter the living room.

"Leave it mate, I'll clean it up in the morning…" Lawson told him.

"Lawson…" Josh trailed off, a sparkling glimmer catching his eye.

Lawson just walked off, unable to deal with it all. "I'm getting a beer, want one?"

Josh nodded before slipping into the living room, slowly picking up the ring at still lay on the floor. Admiring it, he couldn't help but admit that Lawson had good taste. Finding the little black box he placed the ring back into a rightful spot. He couldn't imagine what Lawson was going through…planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the beginning of the day, by that night she's in a coma…poor bastard. Josh shook his head as he placed the box on the mantle shelf, hoping that soon it would be on the rightful place of Shannon's finger.


	4. Chapter 4

**Right, it's fairly short, but I really wanted to take advantage of the musing that were running through my head. Just on a side note - iPads aren't the most conducive instruments to write on!**

* * *

_*Four Weeks Later*_

Lawson walked down the hall towards Shannon's room drawing stares from the nurses on duty. To any passers-by Lawson seemed to be oblivious to all the stares. He wasn't oblivious just used to them. Lawson didn't even glance over at anyone at all. He just strode purposefully towards Shannon's room thinking back over the past few weeks.

Shannon had been in an induced coma for nearly two weeks, it had taken over a week for the brain swelling to subside. She had then been kept in ICU for observation. It was only this week that Shannon had been transferred to a general ward.

Lawson reached his destination, knocked on the door and lent against the doorframe.

"Morning," he greeted.

Shannon's head shot up, looking for the person who had disturbed her peace.

"Hello there," she replied as Lawson made his way over to the bed to give her a kiss. "Mmm…" Shannon mumbled deepening the kiss.

"Good morning," Lawson whispered, "I've missed those."

Shannon grinned back. "So how many heads did you turn today?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play coy with me Lawson Blake. I know all the nurses turn and drool over you…especially when you're dressed like that. With those jeans and black leather jacket," she told him, grabbing at his lapels pulling him down for another kiss. "Do you think all those nurses really need to come in here so many times when you're here? Stel came yesterday before her shift, not one interruption…and when you come in with that uniform, it's even worse," she teased.

Lawson smiled. He had missed Shannon, her smile, her voice, her kisses, just everything about her. He grabbed the chair and slid himself closer to the bed, grabbing Shannon's hand listening to her talk about her conversation with Stella.

"Has the doctor come in today?" he asked when Shannon stopped.

"He was in this morning, happy with my progress," she replied.

"So do we know when you're coming home?"

"If all goes well, hopefully at the end of the week…How has the team being going? Has there being someone to replace me?"

"Work is the same. I've just shifted around the team, we're coping."

"I want back in ASAP," she firmly told him. "If I could be back next week, I will be."

"Shan…" he started, rubbing his thumb along her hand, "that isn't just going to happen...you've been in ICU for two weeks, I can't just let you back on the road."

"But that's not your decision to make Lawson. At the end of the day it's the doctors and Kerry's."

Lawson just shut his mouth and gave her a tight lipped smile, knowing better than to argue with her. One of Shannon's many attractive qualities was her determination and drive, it was something that helped her in the job, but on the other hand it could annoy the hell out of him sometimes. This was the time to leave it alone and move onto something else.

"Hey!" Shannon waved in front of his face.

"Yeah, I'm still here," he replied.

Just then a nurse knocked and popped her head around the door, Lawson recognised her as Georgina from back when Shannon had been taken into surgery that first night.

"Hi, sorry to interrupt Shannon...Lawson," she acknowledged.

"Hey...Georgina isn't it?" Lawson tried to remember, "How are you?"

"Fine thank you. Shannon sorry to be a pain, I just need to take you up for a scan," Georgina told them.

"What for?" Lawson asked, concern creeping into his voice.

"Doctor Hammond mentioned it this morning. He just wants to check that's everything's ok before he will let me go home, right George?" Shannon told him, looking to her nurse for confirmation.

Georgina nodded in agreement. "Again, I'm really sorry to interrupt."

Shannon smiled over to her, "don't feel bad. I knew it was happening today and anyway if it means I can go home soon I'm all for it."

"Plus I have to get going too. I've got a shift starting soon," added Lawson, getting up from his chair.

"I'll be back in that car before you know it," Shannon told him, as he leant down for a kiss.

Lawson could only smile as he started out of the door, "I'll be back after the shift finishes."

* * *

Josh walked into the locker room thinking to himself that he was early and there shouldn't be anyone else, only to find Lawson going at it with the punching bag. Sweat was rolling down his face and by the looks for the soaked t-shirt on the benches that Lawson seemingly had earlier discarded, he had obviously been there for a while.

"Mate," Josh called out to him.

He barely had time to jerk his head down towards his left side as Lawson's fist came hurtling towards him.

"Lawson!"

Lawson pulled himself out of the trace that had seem to have hold of him.

"Josh, shit man, sorry."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I work here," came Lawson's sarcastic reply.

"I mean why are you here and not with Shan, smart ass."

"She had to go for some scan thing," Lawson replied as he reached for a towel. "Plus I needed to let off some steam," he continued shrugging his shoulders.

"Something happened?"

"I just wonder some days. She wants to come back to work next week."

"She's been released?"

"Hoping to by the end of the week. Haven't spoken to the doctor. But she determined to be back ASAP."

"And?"

"Bloody girl, there's no way that she can be," Lawson told him, becoming agitated again.

"Shannon's a big girl, she'll know if she's ready," Josh told him.

"But that's the thing...she was in a car accident, had brain surgery and spent over two weeks in ICU. And she can't wait to be back!"

"She loves her job, it's what makes her good at her job."

"How much is too much? What is more important?" questioned Lawson.

"Lawson...don't be an idiot...we could have said the same thing about you before. Hell we said that it all the time! Married to the bloody job."

"She loves this job," mused Lawson. "I ask her to marry me and this is all over for her."

"Lawson..."

"I'm not asking her to choose between me and the job."

"Lawson pull your head out! Don't be a twat, she loves you. This is just a job," Josh told him.

"I'm not ruining her career. Marriage means one of us leaves TR, I'm not putting her in that position," Lawson told him, before slamming to the door leading towards the showers.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it and it was good enough...reviews and comments are always appreciated!**

**Em **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: As usual not mine!**

**Haven't written for over a year and when I went back to read this I hated the way that I had left chapters five and six, so here I am to fix that up and merge them into one. The next chapter is in the works too, hoping to get that up soonish. And I'm planning another Lawson/Shannon story, just want to get a couple of chapters under my belt before I start posting them. **

**And a huge thanks to Anna, my muse and being the person who keeps encouraging me to write, even when she gets emails from me at 2.30 in the morning**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Lawson finally stopped after running for over an hour. He had spent most of that time just listening to his shoes hit the pavement. Finding an empty bench and plonking himself down, he finally allowed himself time to think. Lawson had spent most of the week's shifts distracted. Removing a black box from his pocket, he turned it over and over in his hands several times. Glancing down, he flipped the lid and slowly removed the item.

Bring the ring closer to his face; Lawson turned it around admiring it from all angles. He had agonized over the purchase. Everything about the whole situation. From how he wanted it designed, right down to the fact that the ring had two small diamonds on each side that could only be seen if picked up, set with rose gold. Then he had to swipe a ring of Shannon's to get the right size, he was still praying that it would fit. When he got up to Sydney for a police negotiator's conference he had stopped in at her favourite jewellers and had it designed and made without fear that Shannon would find out.

Then there was that fateful day a few weeks ago when had taken the day off… planned everything and there was that phone call.

Something that he had been so sure about was now been questioned in his mind. Was this the right time? Was it even the right thing to do? At the moment it was fine, Shannon and Lawson kept their private and professional lives separate. Outsiders could come into their team and most never knew about them. Of course, there had been that Senior Sergeant who was never happy about them being an item, but they had moved past that, and he wasn't in the squad for that long anyway.

But if they did get married one of them would have to move out of TR. And chances were it would be her, Lawson was the team leader and primary negotiator. There was no way around it. Rules were meant to be broken or even bent, but that rule was firm… Once they got engaged, if they got engaged, it would be interesting to see how long they would be allowed to continue working together. Married…that meant being transferred immediately. May be if they were in a different squad, 'regular' policing, the situation might be different, may be a small country station, then they might be able to continue working together. But this was Tactical Response, a highly responsive specialized unit; there was no way it would be allowed.

The only way that Lawson could see around it, with both of them staying in TR was if they worked in opposite teams, on opposite shifts. It would probably allow them to both keep working with the unit and there would be every chance that Shannon would become the primary negotiator in that squad. But what would the down side be? They would be working opposite shifts, when one was home, the other would be working… And it would only be occasionally that they would have a day off at the same time. He never really saw the other squad, just at shift change over. Was that a life they really wanted? What was the point of getting married? Would it be worth it? Never seeing his wife, never spending time with her?

Was it worth it? Lawson kept asking himself. He couldn't find a real right answer, he loved Shannon. He wanted that idealist life, with a wife and kids, but was he ready to ask her to give it all up? As much as everyone thought he was married to the job and a hard boss, it was Shannon that made him melt. Sometimes that all he needed, for a smile to light up her face. That was when, after a tough day at the office, he would melt. Many of the TR team owed Shannon a drink, if it hadn't been for her, some days Lawson would have ripped them to shreds. She was his voice of reason, the calming influencing when he got fired up. But then again, would he even be willing to get the job up? He could never ask her to do that, give up the job she loves, if he himself couldn't.

His mind pulling him one way and his heart pulling him in the other direction confused Lawson more and more… With a heavy heart he stood up and headed back to where he had parked over two hours ago now. Knowing that he had to pick Shannon up and finally bring her home his pace quickened, all the time the ring box turning over in his hand.

Before he knew it he was standing in front of her hospital room door, looking in through the small window on the door, watching her gather up the last of her things. Turning around Shannon caught sight of him, beckoning him to come in. Lawson returned a sad half smile, his hand going up in acknowledgement. Grasping the door handle, he stole one last longing glance at the ring before snapping the box shut and shoving deep into his pockets.

'I can't ruin it,' he thought.

* * *

Shannon glanced around at her surroundings. It had been at least six weeks since she had been home, but to her it felt like an eternity. She could barely remember the day that TR1 was hit. She had been told that she was alert after the accident, not that she remembered. There were foggy memories of Lawson floating around somewhere in the depth of her mind. No recollection of conversations, just muddled images of him.

Lawson hadn't said much since leaving the hospital. It didn't bother Shannon too much, she had the mild beginnings of a small headache, it wasn't too bad. The doctor had warned her about them. Since waking up from the coma she had been experiencing them on and off, and finally they were now subsiding. Closing her eyes, Shannon leant her head against the cool surface of the car window.

A short while later she felt Lawson's hand on her knee. Slowly opening her eyes, she found Lawson's concerned face staring at her.

"You ok Shan?" Lawson asked, the concern evident in his question.

Shannon simply nodded her head. She smiled catching a glimpse of where they were.

"You don't know how much I've missed my own bed," she told him.

"I know how much I've missed sharing the bed," Lawson replied. "King beds are lonely when there's only one person," he finished, opening the door for her.

Shannon took it all in, as she walked through the house. She had always thought it was just a house, nothing special. But after being away for so long, it suddenly meant more. There was something that she just couldn't put her finger on. Even Lawson seemed different…

Settling down on the couch, Shannon looked around, hardly believing how clean the place looked. Especially the living room. Lawson poked his head around the doorway.

"Need anything?" he asked.

"Nope, just come and sit," she replied. "I've missed the small things," she finished, snuggling up to Lawson, resting her head on his shoulder.

They sat there in silence for a long while, neither of them wanting the moment to end. Shannon enjoyed the silence, having missed those moments in the quiet with Lawson. Lawson on the other hand, his mind was spinning at a million miles an hour.

His girl was finally home and no ring or question was changing that…or anything else.

"Hey," Shannon spoke, interrupting his reverie. "What you thinking about?"

"Nothing much…."

"So I spoke to Kerry this morning."

"Shannon," Lawson growled warningly.

"What? … Once again, this is my decision Lawson…" she said incredulous. "And you didn't even let me finish," she snapped.

Lawson held up his hands in defense.

"Kerry hasn't cleared me to be back on the road, that isn't going to happen for a while. Doctor Hammond is going to have to clear me too, I'll have to go through a medical. I guess, it will even be a while before I'm even back at work. The headaches, they happen every time I wake up, Doctor said that was normal. They've already started to subside. It's beginning to only happen in the mornings. But since I'm going to be on restricted duties, I'm going to be at the base all day and if I'm still experiencing headaches it's not going to work for me. The last couple of days has allowed me to thing things over."

"Hmm," was all Lawson had to say.

A short while later Shannon glanced up at Lawson, curiously he had a furrowed brow and was staring off into the distance. Shannon looked slightly concerned, she couldn't fathom what was going on. She thought that he would be happy to have her home, especially since she had also spoken about not rushing back to work. She knew that her working situation was something that was on his mind, but he hadn't seemed all that happy about what she had told him. Actually there wasn't much emotion at all. Again there was just something that that she couldn't place her finger on.

"Lawson, I'm just going to go to bed I think. Don't feel like you need to come, if you want to catch up with Josh or something go right ahead," she told him, getting up and her eye catching something in the corner. Shaking her head, she leant down to kiss Lawson. He still looked a bit distant.

'Hmm...I wonder,' she silently thought to herself as she walked down the hallway.

It wasn't long before she heard him on the phone to Josh. Soon after he quietly slipped into the bedroom, kissed her and told her that he loved her more than he might show sometimes.

After she heard the car back down the driveway, Shannon quickly slipped into the living room. Making her way over to the corner where it looked like something had been shoved out of the way, she leant down to find a few withered rose petals. She knew that the living room was cleaner than normal. Kneeling down she took a closer look under the couch, rummaging around her hand touch a box, clasping her hand around it, she withdrew it slowly.

What she found was the outside casing of a ring box from her favourite jeweller's. What was that doing in the house? A smile slowly spread across her face, was this what she thought it was? Clutching the box tightly Shannon sank onto the couch. Now it was her head that was running a million miles an hour.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are always welcomed**

**Em**


	6. Chapter 6

Shannon sat slightly dumbfounded for what seemed to her like only a few seconds. However when she looked up as she was starting to feel cold she found that she had been sitting for over half an hour.

Glancing down at the casing she held in her hand she tried to rationalize with herself internally. There was nothing to say that this was what she thought it was… but then again, she knew for a fact that very few items from this jeweller actually came with that outer box. All of their jewellery came in a case with an outer casing. But only their wedding collection came with the criss-cross extra box, the same one that she was turning over in her hands.

Shannon silently placed the box back on the ground, slipping it slightly under the couch making sure that it was out of sight.

Padding back down towards her bedroom Shannon was torn between grinning like an idiot or trying to convince herself that she wasn't thinking straight. This wasn't what she thought it was.

Glancing up at the bedroom clock she tossed over whether or not to ring an old friend, Noah, who she had house-shared with during her uni days. He worked for that specific jewellers albeit over in Perth now. He would be able to put her mind at ease. She was sure that Lawson didn't even know that Noah worked for the same jewellers. Shannon was half-way though dialing the number when she realised that even if it was two hours earlier in Perth he wouldn't be at work and therefore wouldn't be able to look at records anyway.

Sitting back in bed Shannon contemplated what this actually meant. She shook herself at the excitement of what the box could be and what it could mean. What did she want? If she was honest with herself this was something she had found herself fantasying about it all, spent quite a bit of her down time doing so. Funnily enough the shift that she had last worked she had spent some quiet time, in the back seat, wondering where life was going. She knew that Lawson was an old-fashion type of guy who would want to get married. He had dropped hints about it. And Lawson wasn't the type to take change suddenly, so she knew that there was a lot of thought behind this move. They had never actually sat down and had a serious discussion about it, but had skirted around the issue a few times.

But now with it seemingly about to happen or at least a very real possibility of it facing her. Shannon now had a chance to really think about what she wanted.

Lawson had always seemed like he wanted it all…Marriage, kids and the white picket fence. It just didn't show itself around others.

Shannon on the other hand wasn't so sure about the kids' part of the picture. Every time she had come in contact with little kids she hadn't felt at all comfortable. Kids would be part of the Blake deal, was that something that she could handle? Or was that a deal-breaker?

It was funny, Shannon thought, if you were to look at the TR team as a whole and Christian was the only member that anyone would believe that was capable of being a father. From the outside Lawson Blake dud not come across as the fathering-type. Most of the team would associate the terms 'stick up the arse' and 'married to the job' to Lawson. And if Shannon thought about it hard it probably the only one on the team that would see him in the light of being a father would be Josh.

It briefly crossed her mind to actually ring Josh, she knew for sure that if…and somewhere in the back of her mind she was thinking it was a big if …Lawson was thinking of proposing then Josh would definitely know about it. Once again she found herself reaching for her phone and flicking through the contacts before suddenly realizing that Lawson was with Josh.

Or it might be worth a text message to Josh. She was sure she had her ways of talking and getting information out of Josh without Lawson knowing.

'How much did she really want to know?' she asked herself. If it was going to happen, then shouldn't she just let it happen? Why did she need to over-analyse everything?

Which of course lead her train of thought back to kids, Shannon had managed to skim over that topic in her mind before. There had been a time when she had to Michael that 'she wasn't maternal'. At that time she knew that to be true. And this flashback made her wonder if this was still how she felt.

Kids with Lawson, Shannon would be lying to herself if she hadn't caught herself thinking about it, but usually those thought would be pushed to the back of her mind. But now with it seemingly staring her in the face, what was her gut telling her?

She supposed it told her that this man was the one for her. The hard arse Senior Sergeant who was still technically her boss was the one person in life that she knew undoubtedly had her back, no questions asked. There and then she knew she would be answering yes to that question when Lawson asked.

Yet somewhere deep inside she struggled with the idea of kids. Kids meant giving up the job. Kids meant giving up TR. Shannon loved Lawson, but there was no denying that Lawson would force her out of TR when they decided to start a family, citing that it would be too dangerous. Being out on the road wouldn't be the place to be. The minute she fell pregnant she would be yanked from the road. And she didn't know if she was entirely comfortable with that. Her job was a big part of her life.

It was always said that they did have unique relationship. And Shannon knew she wouldn't change their relationship for anything.

Could she give it all up for her job? In a few years time was all this going to be important.

Sighing for the umpteen time that night, Shannon leant over to Lawson's side of the bed to rummage though his drawers, seeing if she could find anything.

Leaning back onto her side of the bed, Shannon slid down the bed rubbing her temples another headache starting. Sliding under the covers Shannon closed her eyes still confused about whole situation.

Little did she know that Lawson still had the box in his jacket, every so often turning it over in his hand, pondering their future too.


End file.
